For the longest time, I’ve struggled with introducing myself to people, not because I can’t come up with a heap of words, but rather because I struggle with the idea of being summed up in confined boxes of identity.
“Hi, I’m Shishir - I’m a Law Student”
I gave it a good amount of thought. Some fundamental questions emerged.
Is there an inherent flaw with being labelled a Lawyer / Doctor / Salesperson ?
(or for that matter, a Researcher, an Athlete, A founder, A Veteran… the list goes on)
‘Identity Politics’ is a an evolutionary construct. We’ve evolved to identify as a part of something collective - this identification historically enhanced our chances of survival, which is precisely why these identities tend to be tremendously deep rooted.
“I’m This.”
“You’re that.”
Cut to modern times. Enter Capitalism.
We exist in this New-Age model that increasingly signals how our existence is all about transactional value that we add to the capitalistic machine , or in simpler words - careers and jobs.
This is often corelated with what we study in university and consequentially, the capacity in which the machine derives productive value from us , aka - our jobs.
Picture this. I love mountains, I love reading books, I love listening to podcasts, watching movies, writing my journal, reading poetry, I love trekking, photography, travelling to different places, gaining meaningful experiences…. so much more.
I think one of the primary reasons as to why this identity crisis kicks in, is that the world will mostly associate your overall identity in the context of your transactional role in society ( In this case - being a law student, and a prospective lawyer )
The problem is simple. Multiple elements of your personality - such as your relationships, things that you’re naturally curious about, things you like doing for the sake of themselves - art, combat sports, playing the guitar or ideas and activities that you might develop an affinity towards in the future are left out of this simplistic identity box ( Law Student / Lawyer )
Internally, we know that we’re much more than the limited tags society bestows upon us. The fear of never being able to express this covert internal depth is what further fuels the crisis.
Are these labels bad?
Not entirely. Labels help assort people into functional roles in society - they tell us who does what. This becomes particularly important when you need streamlined execution, especially within a limited amount of time.
For example, in the instance of an emergency, you need to have pre-formed units that are designated with hyper-specific tasks that they need to perform ( think med-evac, fire squad, search and rescue, security ops..)
This is possibly the most efficient way to allocate responsibility and execute relevant functions.
The problem has more to do with the individual, as opposed to societal function…
At the individual level, identity is closely tied to one’s ego. The ego is constructed by external forces such as our environment, our parents, friends and society at large. This develops in our formative years. The rest of our lives’ engagements are designed to satisfy our egos.
This is bad on two levels.
Your ego is fairly external in terms of manufacturing desires. This means that the more you self-identify, the more you end up chasing goals that society wants you to chase. This comes at the cost of you not spending time on pursuing interests that drive you intrinsically (opportunity cost!)
Classic Example - You’re a 20 year old man in India. You’ve grown up in a lower middle class family. In your proximate social circle, you’ve noticed that a person possessing Grade A Government employment ranks higher in terms of observable status. They’re given more respect, they’re feared and dominate in your surrounding hierarchy.
You observe this. It fuels your ego. Your ego drives you to center your identity around developing habits that help you become a Grade-A government employee. What if you possessed great potential around inherent interests such as being a National level hockey player? Or maybe a very good teacher? - You miss out on these opportunities which would’ve been way more effective both in terms of value addition ( to society ) and personal satisfaction in doing what you love.
When you develop an identity owing to externalities, it leads to conformity of thought. It limits you, prevents you from seeing the truth the way it really is. Let’s say I identify as an ‘ardent supporter of the right wing’. By this identity alone, I will in no time, find myself defending positions I haven’t really thought through because they’re a part of the right wing canon. If all your beliefs line up into neat little bundles, you should be highly suspicious.
Any belief you took in a package (ex. Right Wing, Left Wing, Hindu…) is suspect and should be re-evaluated from base principles.
What can you do about it?
In most instances, the crisis stems from self obsession. Identity causes anxiety when you experience constant internal chatter that makes you super-conscious of how you’re perceived by other people.
“I , me, myself” - This is pretty much a disease. The more you think about yourself, the more you’re stressed out. It pulls you out of the present moment, where-in you keep oscillating between the past and the future, either in the form of reminiscing memories or daydreaming forward. You miss life, you’re always in your head.
My two cents - We’re stressed about our identity simply because we’re hyper fixated on how people will perceive us if we do XYZ.
The truth is, no one cares. No one is thinking about you. Everyone , quite like you and me, is in a constant state of internal mental chatter, wherein they’re thinking about themselves and how others will perceive them.
Bottomline: Don’t be hyper conscious because no one’s thinking about you. Everyone’s hyper conscious thinking about themselves.
I think this framework is highly liberating in the sense that it gives you freedom to push and do what you’re internally motivated by, as opposed to what society ‘expects’ you to do.
What is society but a collection of individuals? If all individuals are self-conscious and optimise for status, what are you scared of? They’re too busy managing their own crisis, you do not need to live to entertain them.
Remember that you’re going to die and none of this will matter anyway. Don’t waste your time doing anything that you don’t want to do. The tradeoff ain’t worth it.
Step out of the game. Do what you love. Walk with intent. Take the leap. Drop your identity.
You didn't answer the "Who am I ?" ethical dilemma in this post. Don't u think it will resolve the identity crisis.
Useful Read. Thanks.